Hi folks, I'm not used to writing long posts, but I will give it a go. Let me warn you though, this will be a long read. It would be amazing if you could take a look and tell me what you think :-)
I have concluded that the root of several negative thoughts can be reduced in the following sentences: "I'm not worth enough because _______", "I have less possibilites than other people because __________", "The future holds nothing for me because __________". In short, it all comes down to feeling inferior.
- "I hate being shy... because I feel i have less social opportunities, and I will never have as many friends as others do.."
- "Being ugly sucks... because it limits my relationship possibilities"
It seems to me that most people are always looking for something or someone that DENIES these thoughts. We are trying to run away from our reality.
- "Maybe if I put extra effort in grooming myself people will like me more.."
- "I will start to walk straight and speak louder so that people think that I am sure of myself."
- "That girl told me yesterday that I looked great... maybe it means I'm not that bad-looking"
- "I may not be smart but at least I'm kind"
Sometimes we fake, and sometimes we really try to change. Whatever the reason, we are not comfortable with ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with recognizing that we also have (or we could have) good traits though, but what would happen if you didn't have something to grab from? It's also normal wanting to improve ourselves, problem is... there will be things you'll never be able to change.
But why do we reject our reality?... Because we know there are "better" realities. Our sense of inferiority is born when we begin to compare ourselves with other people.
So you can complain all you want about how there are "people with far better possibilities"... It will probably not change yours. Imagine for a moment that you have absolutely nothing to be proud of (which, in my opinion, is almost impossible).
What would you do?, How would you function?, Will you keep going?, Would your life be more miserable?
If you think about it long enough, you will realize that there are people with "worse" opportunities than you.
Some people are born without legs. They will probably never be able to experience what it is to walk in all it's splendor. You probably can. From a materialistic and pragmatic point of view, you could say that these people are "inferior" to you. They can do less things than you can. They would need some extra effort to do some basic stuff.
But they are still going, they live their reality, and some of them simply don't care about their condition. They are aware of their limitations, and they work with it.
And what about a person who was born with deformities in it's body, cognitive dysfunctions and diminished sensorial capabilites (blindness for example)? It's the same, they WILL HAVE to live with it. It's their story, and every story comes with their difficulty settings.
If I told you that these people may be inferior to us for the simple fact that they have less chances in life you would probably feel some kind of disgust or discomfort, wich is normal. They most likely just live under different cirumstances.
We are used to the idea that something inferior is something bad. Why would we choose a rusty car over a new one?
Perhaps the simple idea of "comparing" a disabled person with a rusty car is making some people feel really weird. But hear me out! We like efficiency, what functions better. And we certainly don't want to feel like we are inefficient machines. Who choses those? We will always try to feel that we are worth something, so we can "shine". Is inefficiency the same as inferiority? We can't answer that yet.
You could think of people as randomly generated RPG characters. They will have random statistics when created, some will have high charisma, others will have the option of using several weapons, others will have some strange abilities. If we could measure the sum of all the skills and possibilities of every character, we should get a number that ranges from 0 to "x" (x being the maximum possible total), wich determines it's value in the game. The interesting part is that this number makes sense only when compared to other numbers. By itself is just a meaningless symbol.
Theoretically, if we had all the variables that determine the value of people, it should be possible to calculate a total of each person, allowing us to order all humanity according to their "value". Something similar is happening in China.
So I think we are all fighting to make our number socially acceptable. Our fantasies are based on us succeeding, on us having an above average number. If we do not meet these conditions, a sense of inferiority appears. This inferiority is something that human nature cannot tolerate. Depression comes when we DO NOT ACCEPT that our conditions could be worse than average.
Another issue is that we probably won't know if we are really inferior. We can only guess. We can fail thousands of times and still not know of all the times that we will do well. But assuming you could confirm your inferiority, it's time to ask ourselves how to deal with it.
Of course the only method I know is a painful one: self-acceptance. This means a lot of things. I listen to people saying things like:
- "I am a person who has been shy all his life. Yesterday I approached some classmates to see if I could get along with them; I got all nervous and started to babble, they got uncomfortable and stopped paying attention to me; it was a horrible experience, how can I be so socially retarded?"
Okay, so you got nervous and couldn't get what you wanted. Could it have been different?, we will never know. What we know is that you are a shy guy, and being shy implies certain things, like any other trait. Getting nervous is just an expected outcome of being shy. Of course I'm not saying that shy people can´t make friend and be well recieved, I'm just stating that it's usually harder for shy people to interact socially. It seems to me that you expected another result; maybe you wanted everything to go smoothly. The thing is... that if you consider yourself to be a timid individual, why are you surprised that social encounters are naturally more difficult for you?, shy people are more likely to find problems in these types of events. I suppose it's who you are; If you accept what it means to be you, it will be easier to maneuver your daily life, because you have an idea about the possible results, but you work with it. In what you will have to go through to overcome shyness, these things will probably keep happening because IT'S JUST EXPECTED OF WHO WE ARE.
So if that's what is waiting for us, why not just embrace it? "Hey look, I know you are going to treat me differently because I don't have the same social skills as other people, and I'm aware that things may go wrong, but look how I'm going to chat with you anyway, and if it doesn't work it doesn't really matter, I will try until it works."
Now, is being shy being inferior?, that we do not know. What I can say though is that it closes up some doors in socializing, while being charismatic opens them.
The same can be said about a lot of traits. A fat person lives a different story with it's own possibilities, while being rich generally means having some opportunities. However, these traits are flexible. It does not mean that being "x thing" means living certain conditions, it only increases the odds.
So whoever you are, you have your own story, which may be easier or harder than the rest, you will not be able to look at your difficulty settings. Some people are living in a Dark Souls game, while other are playing Smash against a Lvl 1 CPU. Comparing yourself to others makes no sense, because there is no way you can live another life with another settings. Learn yor game.
Are you up to the challenge of being yourself?, knowing that there is a chance that you are "inferior"?
There is a phrase that says: "A man is what he does with what they made of him". Could human value be based on this? We also do not know.
Have a good night, amigos.