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AITA For Voicing Myself? Or Is My Mom A Karen? Update Included.
Ok, this will be a bit long and is both an entitled parent story, AKA my mom, and an AITA, AKA me, story. I seriously ask opinions because I'm not sure if one is the other, both are or neither.
Im on mobile too.
I also give Ripe Permission to post this and my entitled people story on youtube.
Ok, so I (29F) have recently found out that I have Hypothyroidism, on the verge of diabetes and heavily unhealthy. I've been "chunky" for almost 20 years now due to using food as an escape from depression and bullies. Thanks to thyroids my Eczema is flaring up worse to the point of blister zits of sorts. It has also made me loose my hair. I had very thick, silky smooth, perfect hair. One of 3 features about myself I loved. Now I'm loosing my hair, thinning out too, to the point where if I ran my fingers through it, I'd love about a dozen or more strands straight from the roots without even pulling.
I also suffer from heavy depression and the thyroids, preventing "happy cell thoughts" as I say to kids, has made it much worse. Im also very very VERY low on vitamin D. This is because I don't go out much due to only 1 friend plus the crud happening. I also discovered my tight chest feelings and burst of tears moments are also due to anxiety. Also, I have a meniscus tear in my left me. This can make it harder for me to exercise our walk at times and it's not because of my weight that cause this. Even being overweight I was still active as a teenager and would ride my bike and walk around the mall and do a lot of dancing. I had also gone into a car accident a few years ago and when they pulled me out of the car they hurt my left leg but a scan showed nothing was wrong with it at the time. We think because of the thyroids and that accident and being active is what caused it.
TRUST ME! THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND!
So on with the story.
I've been working security at a site, can't say real thing so lets call it Phone Cable World, for almost 1 year now. Recently, this guy has been flirting with me, calling me cute and sweet and what not, which makes me feel good. All because I fixed his broken glasses. Him flirting with me, a lard filled mess, makes me feel good about myself. He used to bring me coffee too. Well, he works from home now but we talk.
I live with my mom, due to bad pay and this crud, so I tend to talk to her sometimes. See, she has the habit of pissing me off. It also doesn't help that all my problems make me upset and easily triggers me into being upset. Especially the anxiety.
I talked to her about how the guy, lets call him Bravo after one of my favorite characters Johnny Bravo, wants to take me out to lunch on a date. This upset my mom. Why? Because in her words "All you care about is men." And "You need to focus on you." Or even "You ALWAYS go crazy over men. It breaks us apart." All I want is to be a wife and a mom. How can I do that without dating? Yet she INSISTS I "Strut around a military base and hook up with one to be set for life." As she says. I don't want that because I have shit confidence.
If it helps clear the story. I'm 254 pounds and 5'4 with brown hair, brown eyes and glasses. Other than a pregnant looking belly, thighs and sometimes my upper arms, you can't tell I'm fat. My mom looks the same except shorter, 5 feet, older (55F) and wrinkles with no glasses. She body shames me on many things I wear (like my 2 piece bikini swim skirt original star trek swim suit built for thin AND thick girls) or that I wear too much black (because I'm a bit more goth in style plus black is slimming and matches everything) or that my casual clothes embarrass her. (Like a dragon shirt or a super hero one etc.).
Why don't I move out? I live in NY and get paid crap. You do the math.
Back to story. My mom dislikes me dating. Maybe because she has no social life and I'm all she depends on? Idk. She was supposed to get me that new bowflex bike machine, the one with leaning side to side feature, for Christmas. This thing costs $2600 with shipping and istalling. Its all I wanted since the gyms might close again and my doctors want me to excersize more. Heck, even Bravo wanted one. It was going to take 10 plus weeks to ship to me but I was going to be happy to have it and using it about 3 times a week so what harm could it do to wait that long? Well, I wouldn't be on here explaining everything and asking the big question if it wasn't for what happened earlier.
At about 8pm my mom had started stirring up touble. See, everytime she gets me something, she holds it over my head in one form or another. Examples. "I got you this, why don't you use it more? This is for you, for your collection, so why not get rid of others? Here's this because you wanted it. You don't deserve it in my eyes or it cost me soooo much that now I'm behind on things." Mind you, except birthday Christmas and the rare emergency, I ask for nothing!
So, after she starts her crap she left me alone for a bit telling me she loves me. The crap she started? About how I'm always on my video games. Tonight I wasn't and I was actually typing fanfiction and she then starts saying I'm always typing my stupid stories. Maybe some of them are stupid but between typing and playing games it actually helps me feel better. She then tells me with all the time I spend on the computers I could have done one class online for the college I'm going to. (Also if anybody's interested in what I'm studying for I'm trying to be a zoologist and that is not the easiest thing for me right now. It also doesn't help I have really crappy internet so online classes are going to be even harder.)
Ok. So after that I went to bed. She opens my door, a feature she ALWAYS does and I HATE IT, to tell me "You shouldn't go on dates with Bravo or anyone. You need to work on you. You need to stop thinking constantly about this date and do something productive like pay your bills. You're not saving money. You're going backwards. Etc."
Only reason why I'm having a hard time saving money is because again I'm a crap and have to get my own food as well as pay my car insurance and the gas and do a bunch of other stuff. As far as the bills that have gone into debt and collection I am really trying to pay them off. They are mostly medical bills.
Well, I snapped.
"You don't get it! With everything that's going on with me right now could you stop for one moment and realize that someone actually complimenting me everyday and calling me beautiful actually helps me feel better? I'm not obsessing about a date but I do want to go on it because this guy is so sweet to me and makes me feel good with simple words. You don't know what it's like for me right now. You say you do but you really don't. You're not the one going through everything and feeling like total other crap every time to the point of you wonder why you're even here and feeling all the tears Escape you. One little day is not going to do any harm."
Yes, Bravo knows about my medical problems and he still calls me beautiful and, if I lose all my hair 100%, would figure out a way for my to get hair implants at any cost to help me smile.
She tries to argue back but it got shut down fast.
Im now sleeping and she wakes me up AT 1 AM!!! ( thank god I don't work tomorrow but I either sleep too much, because of thyroids, or not enough because of anxiety. This week its lack of sleep. You'd be cranky too after that.)
Why did she wake me up?
To rant on and on about how her chest hurts from stress and that I'm stressing her out because I want to go on a date.
I snapped at her and told her bad she is stressing herself out because she doesn't know how to calm down and doesn't know how to live a life. I also told her one freaking date again is not going to hurt me and if she doesn't like that so much then how come she doesn't try to make herself look nicer than usual to go on a freaking date instead of using the I am old card.
She left me alone and after 20 minutes I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to go on my phone to see if I could watch something or listen to something and saw a text message from her. Yes she will sometimes text me while I'm sleeping so when I wake up from either the phone or when I wake up naturally or by the alarm I will immediately see it. Also I keep the ringtone on my phone on at all times because of work.
The message basically tells me she's going to call the company in the morning that's going to process my Christmas gift and cancel it because if I'm going to concentrate on one date and I don't deserve it so she can pay bills.
Well again with lack of sleep I tend to snap even more so. I'm sure most of you do as well. I replied back to go ahead and that I will save and get the damn thing myself and reminded her again I'm not hung up on one date and how is she doesn't want to help me health-wise like she claims she always wants to help then don't bother helping at all. And I even mentioned how she would probably hang it over my head like she always does with everything else she gets me. I also mentioned that just because I want to have a happy life doesn't mean she needs to get angry and jealous over it. Also told her if she was happy for always upsetting me and causing me mental harm to make herself happy?
After I sent it, 10 minutes later, I burst into tears. I sobbed for 30 minutes. My sweet little doggo, pug boston terrier mix and extra cuddly, heard the 1st sob, woke up and rushed from my side by my knees right up to my chest and hugged/snuggled me while licking my tears away. Such a sweet girl. She helps me soooo much. Also I tend to burst into tears after anger most times. I believe thats another effect of anxiety.
Now its past 4 am and I can't sleep due to my heart pounding and my body aching. Body aches are another thyrois symptom and tge pounding chest, well, yeah... Im also trying not to cry while typing this. Damn depression.
AITA for voicing myself? For telling her off? For speaking the truth? For wanting to be happy? Or is my mom a Karen? Even a little bit?
I mean, I could've tried to be nicer, but I tend to snap and I hate tip toeing around so I'm blunt and straight forward.
I'll accept any answers given. Even ones I might not agree with.
I guess advise could be given too.
Edit: Fixed a few crud things.
Update: My told me this morning, after I fell asleep at 5am and her waking me at 8am, to ignore her text and she was upset. She still doesn't want me "Hung up on a boy." But whatever. I told her ignore my text but I think she read it and thats why she's sorry.
submitted by StrongerThanSeems