The best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a better one - and how to cook pasta sauce
Hello! I put together this method and it's really helped me gain perspective on how to tackle PMO after failing** at quitting over 10 times.
Before I start, I want to share a quote with everyone that really helped me to solidify why I personally quit PMO.
"[One] who wants to keep [their] garden
tidy does not reserve a plot for weeds”. ― Dag Hammarskjold
I first came across this quote in a book titled "The 7 habits of highly effective people". This book changed the way I viewed my current situation and how I interact with people. I find myself being a lot more sympathetic, a better listener and an overall better person after reading this book. A big part of my method is to replace bad habits (PMO) with better habits and reading is the one that has been most effective for me. I'll put a list of books and activities that might help you at the end of this.
Last thing before I start, I'm writing this up because this is the method that worked FOR ME. I'm not a psychologist. It might not work for you but I'm sure it will help some other people.
Last last thing before I start. NoFap doesn't give you superpowers. NoFap doesn't make you a better person than anyone else. What it does do, however, is make you a better person than what you once where. You will have more self discipline and control to live your life to its fullest potential.
Okay lets go!****
**Failing is a bad term but I'm not sure what else to use. I wouldn't be in the position I am now if I hadn't "Failed" those 10 times. I see them more as 10 learning points rather than failures, and so should you. If you're struggling to quit, the next time you try it might be the one that finally kicks the habit.
****Disclaimer: I'm not liable for anything you do. This is just my method and ideas I've used in my own life that I am sharing. 1 - Identifying triggers
The first step to dealing with this habit, is to identify any triggers. These could be really broad and complicated, or even something as simple as a thought. As soon as you can identify any triggers, you can start telling yourself that it's just a silly emotional response that YOU DO NOT need to give in to. It could take some time to work out all of your triggers (It took me over 2 months to pin point exactly what mine are) but as soon as you think you've found one, write it down / put it in a locked notes on your phone. Make sure you write them down and don't just keep a mental track of them. It's important to recognise what is causing these impulses.
For me, personally, my triggers are mainly stress related, coming across sexual content on social media and tired boredom (The mood where I want to relax and do nothing but I'm also bored of doing nothing)
These triggers are usually just impulses that our brain has learnt over time. Our goal here is not to silence the trigger, but to learn to identify the trigger and deal with it properly. 2 - Impulse, Thought, Reaction
Before every action, there is usually either a thought, an impulse or both. Suppose you wanted to buy something. You'd give it some thought, save up some money and go and buy it. That process is Desire > Thought > Reaction.
The issue with PMO, is the chain of events is a bit different. It's usually: Impulse > Reaction. There is no THOUGHT in there. That's what we want to change for you.
The first thing that really helped me overcome this, was to start creating the habit of thought in between my impulse and reaction. So, the next time you feel an impulse to PMO, just give it some thought. Even something as simple as stepping away from your current sitting position and closing your eyes for a minute. Our goal here is to start changing: Impulse > Reaction (PMO) To
Impulse > Thought
> Reaction (Other activity)
Where that reaction will eventually change to a better habit. But we'll get to that later on.
Even if you DO end up giving in, like I did many times, learn to forgive yourself. BUT you MUST make sure that next time you get an urge you INCREASE the amount of time you spend on the thought stage. Next time, instead of just stepping away, go for a walk to the kitchen or something. Maybe start cooking lunch/dinner? Maybe put on that load of washing you've been putting off for 2 days? It doesn't matter. The point is to create a bigger gap in between impulse and reaction and give yourself the chance to rewire your brain out of impulse and reaction. Your impulses will only control you if you let them. YOU have the power to stop them from controlling you and think consciously about the actions and decisions you make. Now, once you've taken a moment to think about your action you're going to do one of two things. Let's talk about them both.
3 - Replacing a bad habit with a distraction
- You give in. Yeah, it sucks. This happens though. If you give in - you need to take more drastic measures to step away from your environment.
Burn down your house so you're not tempted Step outside of your room or environment for 10 or so minutes next time. The wave of the impulse only lasts about 10/20 minutes and once that's over you'll be back to normal. Ride it out, distract yourself.
- You're going to WIN. This one is ideal. You'll feel a lot better and you can continue building your self control and confidence, teaching your brain that YOU are the one in control your body and actions, and its not your impulses in control.
Once you've started to create the habit of Impulse > thought > Reaction, you'll notice that even though you have time to think about it, you'll still REALLY REALLY want to do it. So you need to find a way to distract yourself. I'll put a list below of things that helped me but you should definitely short list 10 things that you think will help distract you. I suggest stepping outside of your usually PMO spot (mine is my bedroom) to occupy your mind in a different space. I find that I still get urges simply from being in my room.
4 - Replacing a bad habit with a good habit (21/90 rule)
- Watch a movie. If you haven't already, check out these films
- The social network (Drama/Mystery???/Very good movie)
- 8 mile (Eminem's story. Drama)
- The godfather (Crime/Mafia)
- Ratatouille (If you haven't seen this movie GO WATCH IT NOW!!!)
- Whiplash (Music/Sports movie vibe)
- Parasite (I dont even know. It's awesome though)
- Go to the IMDB top 250 and work your way through it. There are some gems.
- Call up a friend you haven't spoken to in a while (or just call up a friend or family)
- Put on some music while you do star-jumps / some sort of workout
- Go for a run/walk. Not only will this make you feel better, it will get you out of the house with fresh oxygen pumping into your brain so you can think more clearly and make better informed decisions that AREN'T IMPULSE BASED!
- EAT! This can be a sensitive one for some people and I am by no means saying to replace the habit of PMO with eating, but I know that eating cereal or an entire bag of chips helps distract me. This SHOULD NOT be your go to distraction but it's okay to do occasionally if you're having a bad day
- Write out lists! Lists of goals you want to accomplish, your to do list for the week, your list of why PMO is bad.
- Play videos games (I'm not a huge gamer but I jump on Halo PC whenever I need a good distraction and it's heaps of fun. Wow I'm really showing my age here lol)
There's going to be a point where you are getting better at distracting yourself but now you need something a bit more permanent / accomplishing. This is where the final habit comes in. By all means - if you feel you can skip step 3 and go straight here DO SO! But I find that using a distraction is a much easier way of easing into the good habit building. It takes about 21 days to build a habit and 90 days to make it a lifestyle change. 90 days is 3 months. Starting today (3rd Sept 2020) you will be FREE from the hardest parts of fighting against PMO forever by the start of December. So, once you're comfortable with thinking before you act on your impulses, here are some really good habits you can start building to replace your PMO. Keep in mind, you can do more than one of these. In fact, I suggest you do a combination. Choose one or more of these activities to do at least once a day for the next 90 days. Either in place of PMO or just cause.
- 7 Habits of highly effective people (How to re centre your life)
- Rich Dad, Poor dad (A really good finance book that will help shift how you think about money)
- 12 Rules for life (I'm currently reading this and it's really enjoyable. Great for people with low self esteem)
- Cloud Atlas (If you haven't seen the movie, this book will really test you mentally. It's like a little maze and very enjoyable) -Fiction
- The intelligent investor (How to approach the stock market as an investor and NOT a gambler speculating which stocks will go up and down. If you're interested in using your spare money in a productive way, this is a great book)
- The harry potter series (So much more detail than the movies, definitely read these if you liked the movies. It will give you a new side of the story) - Fiction
- Think and grow rich (Equal parts finance book but also a book about your attitude and perspective on the world and universe)
- Exercise (Without Gyms!)
- Daily walks (Listen to some music or a podcast while you do this. I'll list some cool stuff below)
- Running (Please watch a youtube video or two on this. Stretch before and after. Your first run will probably be <1km. That's normal. Just Walk for at least 30 minutes after that.
- Calisthenics - This shit is insane. I used to be all over this but I had to stop because of an injury. The pure adrenaline you get once you get good at this....Fuck me. So good. 3-4 months of daily training and you can do some of these moves. The harder ones take about 1 year of full training. Also, if you keep at it, you'll be shredded. But please, take care. You can seriously injure yourself, like I did, so make sure you don't push yourself too hard.
- Meditation - This is not yoga. This is emotional exercise. Learning how to control your mind and be in touch with your deepest emotions. I'm Australian, so I'm not sure if this works outside of my country, but this app is great.
- Learn to cook (Pair this with music or podcasts as well! Also cooking with family/friends is heaps of fun)
- Listen to Music (I'll list some of my favourite albums and artists with genres) I'll highlight my top 5
- Podcasts (Here are the ones I regularly visit)
- Pick up a new hobby (Youtube tutorials will teach you all of these!)
- Graphic Design (Adobe creative cloud (Illustrator) is a good option if you want to invest some money into it or GIMP is completely free)
- Fashion and clothing alteration (Go to your local op shop and buy cheap clothes. Stitch stuff up together!)
- Skating (this one is so much fun. Also people at the skatepark don't give a shit if you suck. They'll help you. I know because I still suck and they're really nice to me. Even when I fell over in front of a group of teenagers they all just went "ooohhh" and checked to see if I was okay. Definitely embarrassing, but I don't think anyone will bully you!). Do this with a friend or practise in your driveway for a bit if you're too embarrassed :) Full boards can usually be anywhere between $80 - $200 (AUD) (About $50 - $150 USD)
- Pick up an instrument
- For piano you can buy second hand digital keyboards / piano for cheap.
- Guitar / Bass (Electric or Acoustic!)
- Brass / Woodwinds (There are heaps but Trumpets, Clarinets etc. Stuff you blow into)
- Other strings (Cellos, Violins etc)
- Music production (This is what I do for work!)
- You can pick up Cakewalk sonar for free now. You can also get reaper for free. These are called DAW's (Digital audio workstations).
- If you have a mac, Garageband is great for this. It does have a professional counterpart called Logic Pro x which sits around $300 or so but I think students can get it cheaper!
- Ableton is pricey but great for electronic music (Also FL studio for hip hop or electronic)
- If you're into hip hop / electronic music / lofi beats this is a great way to get into it
- Coding (Software)
- Coding (hardware + software) (These cost around $80 AUD or so)
- The arduino and raspberry pi are the best examples of the best home projects where you can integrate hardware and software and feel like a $2 store iron man. I built a door lock in my final year of school that used an LCD screen, fingerprint scanner and a magnetic (solenoid) locking mechanism. It took me about a week with very basic previous experience.
- Youtube tutorials are your best friend here.
- Game Development
- Free programs like blender and unity can get you started with the whole package. 3D or 2D design, Texturing, coding, Sound implementation and more! Again, if you follow youtube tutorials, you'll be fine!
- You can use basic apps to edit your photos and get good results. I assume you, the reader, own either a camera or a phone. If you're looking to buy a good camera, I personally use the Nikon d5600 which is great, but sucks in low light settings. Maybe go Canon or Sony if you're wanting to do more night time / low light photography
Okay I think I've covered a lot of ground here. I'm going to go eat some dinner so my hunger doesn't consume me. I'd like you, the reader, to remember that this shit is hard and it takes a while. No ones perfect, but everyone should aspire to be the best version of themselves that they can be.
I'd love to hear some of your methods for dealing with this and your journey so far. I'd also love to hear what you think of what I've typed up here. If we agree - or disagree on anything, lets talk!
submitted by Nadavcohenmusic
My testing results of several AV vendors
I bought and tested some of the consumer AV solutions (and refunded some of them). I wanted to share my experiences with you, hopefully it will help your decision to get a proper AV that you want.
My OS is Windows 10 Enterprise and it is connected to Azure AD (M365 Business Premium sub). I used EICAR files, isitphishing.org
, and some other safe testing sites. I used Microsoft Edge Chromium browser and I have Nano AD Blocker active. For downloads I used IDM. My OS is installed on Samsung 970 Pro m2 disk, and rest of the programs are on RAID 0 Sandisk Extreme Pro 960GB x2. My CPU is i7 6850K and I have 64GB RAM
Here are my tests
-Windows Defender with ATP (MDATP)
It caught everything after
download. It didn't block downloads. It didn't caught malware in compressed files. After I extracted them it blocked. MDATP has also a web filter function but it literally allowed every blocked website.
Full scan took around 40 mins. If It finds something and you click on 'Action' > 'Resolve' it does nothing. It will literally stays there forever for no logical reason. There are lots of topics on Microsoft forums and Microsoft is ignoring everyone.
- Kaspersky Security Cloud
It has lots of bloatware, like parental control, password management, safe money, VPN, anti banner, etc. It caught malware before
getting downloaded, but if you download it with IDM, it fails to catch. So far it blocked phishing sites, which is good. But its disinfection engine is faulty. For example I have SUSE Linux 15 SP2 iso files, from SUSE, and KSC keeps insisting there is a malware in those iso files, namely disable-windows-file-protector.ps1 under libqt5-qtdoc-5.12.7-1.57.src.rpm. I have no clue why, and support has no clue either. Because of that file, KSC is using lots of CPU and disk and it couldn't fix it. It is looping itself.
It has no web filtering option.
Full scan is very slow. I have around 1.5 TB of data, and full scan took around 9.5 hours.
It doesn't have 64bit engine.
It can scan protected folders and files.
-ESET Internet Security
No performance impact. Literally none. I didn't see any bloatware either.
It has URL management (namely URL Threat Management) but to make it work, you have to give exact URL. For example it will not accept 'googleadservices
.com' but it accepts 'https://*.googleadservices
.com'. My aim was to block all advertisement domains and I took domain list from EasyList (more than 3600 domains) and it didn't work. After changing manually several domains, I made it work but ESET put a big banner on blocked domains. I am aware it is not an ad blocker but I wasn't expecting it to put same size domain banners on ads.
It cannot scan password protected or compressed files. I executed EICAR files from compressed folders without any warnings.
-Cylance Smart Antivirus
Bought today, refunded in 4 hours. Didn't block EICAR files, didn't even give a warning. I downloaded them without any issues, executed them without warnings. I opened several test phishing sites and while my browser was giving me big red warning signs, Cylance was just sleeping there.
There is no scan option. No configuration options. I think that one was my fastest refund.
-Bitdefender Family Pack
It didn't recognized KSC was uninstalled, so I had to use kavremover file to uninstall first.
Full scan is slow, same like KSC.
It has lots of bloatware and forced recommendations. Like VPN, password manager, safe pay, etc.
VPN is overpriced and totally not worth money.
Engine is very good. It finds many malware which other couldn't find.
Advanced Threat Defense seems good but not good. It has no folder exclusion option and you can only exclude exe files. ATD also blocks lots of legit files and apps.
-Trend Micro Maximum Security
Install time was 15 mins. Uses Windows Firewall. Lots of false positive. Couldn't last 1 hour in my computer. I really regret installing it.
None of them have performance impact on my computer except Trend Micro.
Best scanners were Windows Defender, Kaspersky and Bitdefender.
Kaspersky has good detection rate but application is buggy. It can't delete or resolve virus issues. It makes itself to go into loop and lower your performance.
Bitdefender seems good, but ATD lacks folder exclusion feature. Other than that it seems good.
Cylance and Trend Micro are totally useless. Don't even bother.
I didn't include McAfee in my tests because I tested that in enterprise environment, and probably it was the fastest contract cancellation in their history. Thanks to McAfee my customer lost two production systems, and customer cancelled their contract with their 400k+ endpoints plus server agreement on next day.
I hope this helps others
submitted by Bhaelros