Downloads Updated Nov 21, 2020 Created Apr. Spacebar Counter (or Spacebar Clicker) - it is a fun test tool to help you determine - how many times can you press the space bar on your computer keyboard? If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this. Escan antivirus full version with serial key my review here.
Let's go! Move it!
56 more shitposts!
All right, let's go! Pick it up!
• Let's go!
• Yes, sir!
You're running out of time, Jacktheunpleasent
Make it all the way around the track! Come on!
You want to be Shitposters? You better move it!
All right, next, get up here!
Let's hit it now. BotOfBadTimes
, come on!
All right. You've all completed the written exam.
However, you must now pass the obstacle course
to be admitted into the training program.
And remember, survive this,
and you're on the front lines of keeping /JonTron
Sorry about the test, TurtleTitan
We all have our crosses to bear, sweetheart.
Mine is named Gold Flair.
Well, that's why you always have to have mspaint nearby.
Are you gonna have a watch?
Not tonight, Sans1kal
Just kidding. Yeah, I'm gonna watch a video.
No, I meant now, Sans1kal
. Get the video now.
• You said it,
and I just kind of got that stuck in my head now,
and can't really get it out. /JonTron
. Here we go.
It really helps heal.
And, you know, not always, but sometimes,
you gotta do like the kids say, and just say, "skull and crossbones 156."
Kids don't talk like that.
Some do, sweetheart. The older ones, okay?
I hear them in the /JonTron
. You know?
It just fills the cracks of the heart.
Go away, pain.
Oh, no. Come on, Sans1kal
I'm not ready for this right now.
We just don't want to see you go through another holiday alone.
But I'm not alone.
I've got you two. You know?
And besides, Halloween’s coming,
so my shitposting gonna be pretty full.
What? It's the busiest shitposting day of the year.
Yeah, I should have known better than to try to explain it to civilians.
I wish I had a coworker here, like, "FaultyFloorboard
, hey. You know, Halloween’s coming."
, you don't have to tell me Halloween‘s coming.
"Why do you think I've been walking around here
"with the eyes of an eagle?"
• We prepare.
, what does all that have to do
with being happy for the rest of your life?
You said, and I quote, "If I don't have a Gold Flair by November,
"I'll let you sign me up for perfectgoldflair.com."
That was last year.
• Here we are.
"What are you looking for in a perfectgoldflair.com?"
Well, my Gold Flair certainly had something special.
Yeah, illegal Gold Flair status.
She got you, got stolen, and then she left us.
That's not entirely true.
We did have some good times back when she was there.
• Well, I hate her.
• Well, you shouldn't.
• She gave me you.
• I am pretty great.
• You are. You are.
Okay, next question. "Tell us about yourself."
I know a lot about memes.
Let me stop you right there.
Well-built and a great shitposter.
Not as awesome as this.
What are you doing?
Beefing up your profile with that nifty video that you Sans1kal
made a few years back. Sans1kal
I don't know. Don't you think it's a little too, "Hey, look at me"?
Well, that is exactly what we want.
Eyes on the prize.
And don't worry, I will edit out the shitty parts.
Hey! Back away from the vehicle.
Oh, dear God. Please.
Chompers, get down!
Hey, you know where a men's room is?
I do. You're gonna want to go to /circlejerk
They got 12 stalls and heated seats.
Okay, keep the balls in the pit, kids. Kids!
Okay, my lip is numb.
• There you go.
• Thank you.
Yeah, I know.
That's not supposed to be here. It's a minivan.
... he can't handle it. The puck travels to the far board...
He keeps the play alive.
What is this?
That's my report on how to ease traffic flow from Normalboots
down through the specialty shops.
• How's that working out for you?
• Actually, it's for all of us.
You see, if we could reroute the customers away from the food court,
it's gonna help the kiosks and cut down on shopper frustration.
It's your classic two-bird, one-stone scenario.
• Can I ask you something?
Why can't you just punch in, shut up and punch out like the rest of us?
Fun never takes a holiday.
Did your mom crochet that on a pillow? TurtleTitan
This is GrantVSZombies
. He's a new trainee. Let him trail you today.
. Ten-year veteran.
, welcome to the show. Let's mount up.
Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff.
That's it. Treat her gentle, son.
Slap it, honor it.
So what made you want to pursue shitposting?
I never finished high school. This is all I could get.
Yeah, I'm currently working on becoming a moderator, myself.
Right now, I'm goose egg for eight. Gold Flair.
Confusing, right? Cut yourself some slack.
My first week riding on the job, I got lost behind the /JonTronCircleJerk
They found me later in the fetal position, sporting a full beard.
I'm kidding. I can't grow a beard.
My uncle can. Stay snug.
Now, in the event that you approach an assailant,
here's what I want you to do. You're gonna pull up,
left hip forward, placing your right hand on your away hip thusly,
giving the illusion that you have a Gold Flair. Which, of course, we both know
Okay? But you know what we do have?
Our voices! We have our voices.
If you remember one thing from today, it's this.
The shitpost is the only weapon that doesn't need a holster.
Right. Awesome. How long do we get for lunch?
Half hour. But I eat in 20, which leaves me five minutes for social time,
five minutes to get refocused.
We got a high roller.
Sir, I'm gonna need you to pull to the right.
Please pull to the side, sir. Out of traffic.
Tan jacket, red scooter, please pull to the right, out of traffic.
Driving kind of recklessly back there, sir.
I don't joke about shopper safety.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to issue you a citation.
Gonna need your first and last. Last first.
Sir. Sir. Sir, sir, sir.
Please don't make this more difficult than it needs to be, okay?
Are you able to... Sir. Sir! Sir. I am warning you, sir.
You're pushing it.
Sir. Sir. I am warning... Sir.
Sir. Sir. Sir.
This is adding up, sir. He'll be back. He'll be back. He'll be back.
• Hi. Do you need something?
Yes. I'd like to welcome you to our subreddit.
Well, thank you.
Is there something else?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Just looking for some photo editors.
Need a little more contrast up top. Do you do men?
Do you do men clients? Do you do men clients? On the men?
Are you the guy that crashed into the minivan?
I don't think so. Which one?
Well, that one. That one right there.
Yeah. That one, yes. That... You know, that one was me.
• Oh, wow. Are you okay?
• Oh, yeah. Never better.
Although they're docking the paycheck pretty good.
You know what you should do? You should get the security tape,
and then, like, sell it to one of those shows, you know, where people crash into stuff.
• Hello, early retirement.
• Yeah, right?
Volume. Right, let me just see what I've got.
Yeah, this is TurtleTitan
. If you need me, I'm over by the photo editors.
Who is this?
It's Shitposter TurtleTitan
, reporting from /JonTron
What the hell are you bothering me for?
• Just a Code B check.
• What a moron.
You know, I'll check in with them later. It's pretty intense.
Oh, right, yeah. Life of a Shitposter.
• What, what?
• No, it's just that you said Shitposter,
and it's perfectly acceptable...
I'm so sorry if I called you the wrong thing.
No, no, no, no. You did fine, you know?
It's just that there's a huge, huge controversy
brewing in the industry right now,
whether the title should be Funposter or Shitposter.
I'm sure you heard about it.
• I didn't.
• You will. You're gonna.
• But I'm sure I will.
• It's out there.
So, you all set for the busiest shitposting day of the year?
Yeah, right. And the worst day for a birthday.
This year, it falls on a Halloween, which means I probably won't even get a card.
Everyone's too busy Trick-or-Treating.
You know what? Yeah. Autumn Ash.
• I think that's your color.
• I think this'll work.
• It's a winner.
• So that's $1,000,000,000.
At those prices, now you got me thinking I should continue to use mspaint.
All right. Thank you.
• Right. So there you go.
And, there you go.
Thank you, Gold Flair.
Thank you, shitposter TurtleTitan
. Wow, nice shirt.
You went with a medium?
It's a bit formfitting,
but that's 'cause we're required to witty comments under our...
No. Not buying it. No.
'Cause I don't see any comments underneath here, so...
No, but it's a thick T-shirt. Basically like /JonTron
they have you wear.
Nope. Nope. No.
I don't understand why you're laughing. I just called you fat.
I'm not laughing.
Yeah, whatever. Gold Flair.
Hey, everyone's going to https://www.youtube.com/useJonTronShow
, and I want to see you there.
Okay? We're gonna split some onion strings.
Wow, yeah. That's great.
, they need you at /JonTron/new
Okay, roger that.
Okay, I gotta go.
• I found it first.
• No, you didn't.
What's the genesis?
She's trying to take the last twerk flair in this size.
There's gonna be a new shipment tomorrow. They'll be here by noon.
Well, I need this one now. I have a date tonight.
Really? Is he blind?
Whoa! Waterproof shoes and Baggies on the socks.
Not my first rodeo.
Okay, ladies, need to see some ID.
No, you don't.
Ma'am, I should warn you, I do have the authority to make a report.
So does anyone. I could report you right now.
• That's true. She could.
• Hey, not talking to you. Okay?
Can I see you for a second, please, ma'am?
Look, I understand your sensitivity.
I've had some issues with posting myself.
• Are you calling me crap?
• No. No, no, no, no.
I'm just saying I've been down that road.
I mean... I mean, I'm still on it. We both are, you know? Stranded.
Let's face it, we shitpost to fill a void, right?
But as soon as I started lessening,
I noticed I wasn't so moody.
And PS, your skin's gonna clear up.
• Can you hold onto these?
She's got tremendous upper body strength.
She's biting my neck. She's biting my neck.
Look, I know you're new here and all,
but "backup" seems like a pretty universal term.
Hey. Can I give you a lift?
What, on that?
With an inexperienced driver I would recommend no,
but with me, you'll be as safe as the President.
I don't know. Couldn't that get you fired?
Yes, it could.
• Is this all right?
And here you go. Safe and sound.
• '65 Mustang.
Fun fact for you, a lot of people think the Mustang was named after the horse.
It was actually named after the P-51 Mustang.
• That's a plane.
• I didn't know that.
Well, thank you for the ride, TurtleTitan
. That was so much fun.
if you ever, you know, need rides anywhere,
Dispatch, they can get me. You know.
• Or we could just text each other.
• Yeah, give me your cell phone.
• My cell?
Yeah, and I'll punch my number in.
Left it in the casuals. You know what?
Just give me your number and I'll remember it.
• Okay. Ready?
• All right. 555...
• Not yet. Just...
Now I'm ready.
...78. - Eight. Got it.
That's it. It's locked.
Great, so I'll see you tonight at https://www.youtube.com/useJonTronShow
Yeah, I mean, everybody's going, so...
• Yeah. ...why not me, too? I'll be...
Yeah, I'm there.
• Great. Bye.
• Okay. Bye.
• Hey! Hey. Glad you made it, TurtleTitan
Good to be here.
• Fun fact for you...
• This place sucks.
• You want to get out of here?
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
No, I was just saying that
the first https://www.youtube.com/useJonTronShow
actually opened its doors in 2011.
And most people, because of its humor and theme,
think that it's derivative of AVGN, but it's not.
It's its own thing.
You really know a lot of facts, TurtleTitan
, I heard you got your ass handed to you by a fat chick at /JonTron/new
Well, I don't hit women,
• so I don't even know what...
• Yeah. Just minivans, right?
Hey, why don't you go over to the bar and grab yourself one of those girly drinks?
• I'll meet you over there.
• Okay. Does anybody else want a drink?
• 'Cause SegataSam
• No, no, no. They're good. They're good.
• So... They're good.
Hey, listen, I... We're basically already together, so...
I wasn't... I didn't even realize that.
• And I was... I wouldn't... Doing anything.
I just want you to grab a hold of it, tight.
• I got it.
I mean, it's not like you really had a chance, okay?
But you're a pen salesman, dude.
Yeah, and I just bought a Gold Flair, so you can eat me.
All right, bro. Back off. You know, we're all just here having fun.
Hey, thanks for getting my back there, brother.
Security blood runs deep between... Yeah, let's just go.
• Round six.
• Let's do this thing.
• Gentlemen ready?
Not yet. Now I'm ready. Okay.
Leon, I can't give you the Heimlich, so you better chew.
Told you, boy. You better hurry up.
There you go. Nachos in my face.
Oh, my God. These peppers. The peppers are hot.
Oh, my God. Oh, that's a hot pepper.
Nachos are good, man.
Better inform all your friends, boy. Nachos about to be gone.
You're lagging behind.
Come on, TurtleTitan
. Playing games.
I love these nachos, I'll tell you that much.
• That lemonade is insane.
• Yeah, TurtleTitan
• That's because it's a Margarita.
• No. I don't drink.
Feel the nub.
• Hey, you want some? Here.
You want fruit?
Bye! You blinked! You blinked.
Time to pluck the grape from the vine.
Still got the Baggies! Hot jiggity.
Coming on the left.
Told my mom everything about us.
What are you talking about?
You're acting coy. Come on. It's natural.
You know. You so know.
No, I'm sorry, TurtleTitan
. I don't know.
Snap. Pop goes the weasel.
I believe in magic!
I'm sorry it didn't work out, dear.
It's fine, Sans1kal
• Hey, TurtleTitan
, why don't we check for spammers?
Yeah, I don't think so, sweetheart. I think I'm just gonna turn in.
Well, how about something special for lunch tomorrow to cheer you up?
I don't think so, Sans1kal
. It's fine.
If something's gonna work, it would be the high karma shitpost.
But that would probably... You know.
You know, if you're doing the low quality post, do the Hercules one.
But it... Whatever, you know. Well done. Yeah.
Gold Flair. Hey. TurtleTitan
. I'm so sorry.
There are other fish in the sea.
You just gotta keep looking.
And it doesn't Matter what you do.
Because once someone takes the time to get to know the real you,
all bets are off.
If it doesn't work out, you'll always have us.
I'm sorry, sweetie, I popped my ears. I didn't hear a word you were saying.
You just have to...
Is that a text-post?
I... Yeah, yeah, it is.
When did you get it?
• I got it last night.
• What is it?
It's the removal count.
I don't drink.
a little weird the other night, huh?
Yeah, you know, it had its moments. Yeah.
Was one of them when I tried to make out with your purse?
You see, alcohol instantly turns to sugar in the blood.
And what happens is the capillaries...
Yeah, look. A lot of people...
Pretty much everybody, you know, tends to write me off.
And if you did, too, believe me, I get it.
I just... I guess what I'm asking is that you don't.
Okay. You know, I'm sorry, I've just...
I've gotta cash my paycheck before the bank closes. I'm...
No problem. maybe we could talk later or something?
• Yeah, sure. You could just text me, or...
• I can do that. I can do that.
You know, TurtleTitan
, everybody texts these days.
I can't believe you don't have a cell phone.
I'm not about all this technology, Purge2202
I prefer face-to-face interaction or a nice handwritten sentiment.
Couple of hundred of them bucks?
I dug myself into a really deep hole with this girl, you gotta help me. Please. TurtleTitan
, you've always been a straight shooter, so I'll tell you what.
Why don't you take my papersorplastics
’ Gold Flair?
• No, I can't do that.
• No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm punishing her.
No. What with all the parties and that ex-boyfriend OfficialMSPainter
she went over her minutes.
When and if she decides to turn her life around, I'll simply take it back.
Until then, you use it.
• Stay within the minutes.
• Of course.
Hey. It's too late to go in that way, guys. It's closed.
• No one's going in there.
• Yeah. I think we are.
Hey, yo, TurtleTitan
. Come here, man.
Look, I know you been feeling down, so I got this for you.
"The Devil's Crotch."
Feel the burn, baby.
• Thanks, Leon.
• Get back at me, man.
• Loading dock's ready.
• Got it.
You need a pen, don't you?
You know what? No, I'm good.
• I'll just use one of their pens.
• Yeah, you do.
Yes. The Summit 5280 fountain.
• That's stunning.
• Yeah, I know.
How would you like to sign your name with this panther?
You know what? More than anything.
• Yeah, that'd be great.
• Here. Yeah.
It's yours. I insist.
Oh, hey, guys.
• Don't you just love Fridays?
• Best night of the week.
• Excuse me. Sorry.
• Hey. TurtleTitan
, can you help me out?
I need to shoot over to the bank for a minute.
There's a few kids inside, just finishing up their games.
Could you close up the arcade for me?
• Yeah, sure. No problem, xandan
• You okay? You seem a little down.
• Yeah, I'm fine.
You know, video game might cheer you right up.
Nah, I'm on duty.
Welcome to the games!
Foul. Foul. Foul. Foul.
We are ready.
Let's do this.
Please make your way to the nearest exits.
Unfortunately, the subreddit will be closing early.
• Everybody out!
• Everybody out!
Everybody out, now!
Hi. Hey! Hey! You got me...
I'm at the /JonTron
Hey, yo. Hey, there's some crazy-ass people trying to take over the subreddit.
• I'm out of here.
• Everybody on the floor!
Tell them to bring SWAT. There may be hostages.
What are you doing? Get down.
Oh, my God.
Surprised? I know.
But here's the craziest part.
I'm the leader.
Reports are, they're inside the bank and they got hostages.
This is warnzz
. I need four units around the back to secure the perimeter.
See if we can establish visual. Report back to me immediately.
Let's get all these civilians out of here.
See if we can gain access into the loading dock.
• I'm on it. 94, move 'em out.
I'm sorry? PaperorPlastics
She makes you feel alive, doesn't she?
This must be OfficialMSPainter
, no, I'm not with PaperorPlastics
My name's TurtleTitan
's father took her cell phone away, and he lent it to me.
Do not lie to me, TurtleTitan
. Do not lie to me.
You are probably sweating over her right now.
I'm not lying.
I mean, I am sweaty, but I'm not sweating over anyone.
That woman is like an angelic goddess who only brings goodness to this world.
Plus, she has some crazy sexy flair. TurtleTitan
, the pain of this breakup is far too much for me to bear, man. OfficialMSPainter
, no one can blame you for being upset.
I mean, the holidays are tough enough without adding heartbreak to the mix.
Wow. Them's some heavy words, TurtleTitan
Hey, life is heavy.
Indeed. Now, you are at the subreddit, huh?
So why do you not head over to /JonTron
call up my friend Sameer Oh?
Tell him you are now my homeboy. He will hook you up.
Wait a second. How'd you know I was at the subreddit?
I track PaperorPlastics
's Gold Flair with GPS. Don't you judge me.
Closing time already.
Okay, there are 223 shitposts in this subreddit.
Here is a list of the 15 that I need you to hit.
And 15 for you.
Now this is the key to retrieve the codes from each store's credit-card machine.
They change every day, so make sure
that you bring me back the codes for today, Friday. GrantVSZombies
, six guys in standard formation, just like you said.
Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! Bomb!
And these little piggies went all the way home.
Gary usually delivers the leftovers to the Mission.
Hey, everyone. A couple requests.
Kindly tie up the person beside you, keep your mouths shut,
give up your cell phones, and as a general rule, do as I say.
You do all these things... Well, you'll be back at home in no time.
Back to your mediocre lives.
• I don't have one.
• Gold Flair.
I was hoping that you and I could have a whole Bonnie-and-Clyde thing going on.
You know, minus dying in a hail of Gold Flair fire, of course.
What do you say?
Go to hell.
, you don't mind that I'm hitting on your Gold Flair, do you?
What? No. She's not my Gold Flair.
But I specifically heard you say that you two were "basically together."
No. I didn't say that we were together. I said that she's into leather.
Have at it. If you...
God, you're an idiot.
This is warnzz
of the /JonTron
• Who am I speaking with?
Yeah, well, so here's the deal.
As you learned the hard way, I have motion sensors by all the doors,
so if you wanna enter my subreddit,
you might as well bring at least six body bags.
He's drilling the safe, and they have eyes on us.
See if we can tap into the security cameras.
Now look, no one's gonna try and enter the subreddit.
Is there anything you need? Do you need any food? Do you need any water?
Oh, man. This dude doesn't deviate from the book at all.
You know, since you're asking, I would love a special flair,
you know, but... make sure the flair is golden,
'cause I already have the removed one.
Okay, okay, now what is it you really want?
Hey, I'm sorry, subreddit's closed,
but I can help you find the nearest exit if you just tell me where you parked.
This is not happening, this is not happening, this is...
Oh, God. All right, think, TurtleTitan
Now what are you trained to do?
Detect, deter, observe, report. I gotta report it. Reporting it.
Yo, we got a straggler.
• It's a shitposter.
• What should we do?
I don't know. Give up, I guess.
Guys, what is wrong with you? We stick to the plan.
We got a 911 operator connecting us with some guy named TurtleTitan
He says he's a shitposter in the subreddit.
? He's one of my guys. TurtleTitan
, this is warnzz
The subreddit has been taken over, and they have hostages.
I need you to exit the building immediately.
We don't need any wild cards in this situation.
Copy that. Never been a wild card.
Unless you consider the game of Uno wild.
! Can we focus here, please?
• Yes. Yes, sir. On my way out.
Okay, okay. Come on, don't die. Don't die. TurtleTitan
Don't pee. Don't pee.
Guys, motion detector just went off at Door 9. Everybody on it.
What the hell is he doing? Come on!
, come on!
, come on!
• What's he doing?
• Come on, TurtleTitan
, come on!
• Let's go! Move it!
• Come on! Come on!
• Get out of there!
• Come on!
Is he crying?
• I can't leave her.
• Where's he going?
• Where's he going? TurtleTitan
, get back! Will you talk to him, please? TurtleTitan
, this is warnzz
. What's going on?
Sir, I took a sworn oath to protect this subreddit and all inside it.
What oath? We don't have an oath.
I sort of made up my own. It's on a plaque in my room.
Listen, I think making a big mistake.
Mods on the way.
And I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, you're untrained, you're unarmed,
and let's face it, son, you present a huge target.
With all due respect, sir, I can't observe and report from the outside.
Well, Sergeant, looks like you got your eyes on the inside.
Gold Flair, TurtleTitan
here. Are you still in the subreddit?
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Think. Think. Think, think, think, think, think, think, think! Think!
Hold it together.
Heart of a warrior.
I missed lunch.
This isn't happening, this is not happening.
Hey! Don't make this hard.
You like that? warnzz
, I took out a spammer, but the guy, he ran away.
• Wow, TurtleTitan
, you got one.
But let the record show, I did not hit a woman. I just...
I put all my pressence on her.
No, no, no. She's fine, she's fine.
Well, good, let's get you out of there.
No can do, sir. I am gonna finish what I started.
What the heck is this?
Give me that. TurtleTitan
, this is warnzz
Since you refuse to come out, I'm gonna need you to go into the bank
and find out where they're holding the hostages.
With honor, sir.
Good to know.
Hey, I haven't heard back from Donner or Vixen.
Okay. I'm calling an audible here, everyone.
And I need to get this subreddit locked down from the inside immediately.
Why don't we just start wasting hostages? That'll stop them.
Well, that's one way to go, but our hostages are the only thing keeping the cops outside.
. My team is deploying. I need this location secured.
• We got a three-block perimeter...
• Establish a perimeter
and get all these people out of here.
Whoa, whoa, this is all done already.
My men are gonna do it again, the right way.
Have your guys fall back, now. Have there been any demands?
• A Gold Flair and absolute silence.
• Well, let's make some noise.
I got snipers at the ready, communications in check.
Let's tap into security now, and let's get some visuals.
You can't. They knocked out the video cameras.
I'll be ready to take on-scene command in three, two, one. I'm in charge. warnzz
, I'm observing the bank now.
They got one assailant guarding the hostages.
There she is.
My, God. You are my angel pie.
Here come the love sweats. TurtleTitan
, your radio's still on.
• What's going on? Who is that?
• We got a guy on the inside.
Don't tell me one of your beat cops is trying to be a hero.
No, he's neither. His name is TurtleTitan
. He's one of my shitposters.
• Wait a minute. TurtleTitan
Are you kidding me? We used to abuse that loser in high school. Give me that. TurtleTitan
This is Moderator TanookiSuit3
We went to high school together. Remember?
I set you on fire at the pancake festival?
Oh, yeah. Hey, Tanooki.
Go Green Hawks.
Yeah, listen. I've got 56 highly trained, armed professionals out here.
At my command, we are retaking this location,
and there's no way I'm compromising this mission so that some subreddit monitor
who used to eat lunch with his imaginary friend can screw it up.
, I had the button pressed. All I heard was "lunch" and "friend."
Could you do me a favor and put Chief warnzz
Listen to me, TurtleTitan
you are no longer communicating with warnzz
. Is that clear?
Yeah? Oh, hey, TurtleTitan
, how you doing?
Well, it looks like they moved the hostages into the teller area.
I'm gonna get a closer look. GrantVSZombies
There he is!
• Everyone in the back room, now!
• Come on, move, move!
Let's get in the back, huh? warnzz
. I lost visual on the hostages. I couldn't get them out.
But I know who the leader is. It's GrantVSZombies
? The trainee?
• No. The brainee.
• I don't believe this.
I'll pass it on to Howard.
Trapped is fine by me.
Commence tanning. Three, two, one.
Time for some big-game hunting.
Open, open, open! Thank God.
Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! We get it!
Get him! Get him! Get him!
You better run.
• Rudolph, where are you?
• I'm about to end this.
Gold Flair, huh? What a coincidence.
We got a cute little redhead down at the bank named Gold Flair.
• Strawberry blonde, actually.
Well, I guess I know who I'm killing first.
• Catch you later!
Well, it looks like you just ran out of subreddit.
It'll be over quick. She won't feel a thing.
You aren't gonna touch her, but you are gonna feel this.
Nobody wins with a head butt.
• Give me your cell phone.
• I don't have one.
What are you talking about? Every kid has a cell phone.
I prefer handwritten sentiments.
Who are these shitpostss for? And who gave you this?
They're mine. I'm late for my shift at the Discord.
We're getting the leader on the horn. He wants to talk to you.
Silence, my ass.
What's the matter? Throw a few jabs your way,
you curl up in a corner, suck your thumb?
If you don't go toe-to-toe with that scumbag,
he's gonna roll over on you all night long.
It's all right. That's not my style.
Well, just in case, I wrote down a couple of clever comebacks, like...
This is what you been doing?
"Yeah, you and what army?"
• What's wrong with that?
• He has an army.
Everyone deserves a card on their birthday.
So when you and Rudolph were laughing it up back at the crib
about how easy all this was gonna be, were you guys like,
"man, any brain-dead subreddit moderator that gets in the way is gonna get smoked"?
And then... And then what? You guys all high-fived?
, this guard is...
• Winning! I know this, because I am all set!
But sadly, no codes!
And I'd say, considering all the luxury items that I have stacked up
in my Amazon shopping cart, situation unacceptable!
No, no, no, no, no, no. He looking.
Give me a Gold Flair.
Put it down. Put it down.
What are you nodding about?
I was just wondering, were you serious about that Gold Flair?
It isn't coming, is it?
This is TurtleTitan TanookiSuit3
You wanted to speak to me?
I just wanna make sure that no one does anything stupid.
You should know my men are deployed and ready to bring this thing to a resolution.
The easy way or the hard way.
That is such a tough call, but...
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and go with C, none of the above!
I'm Gold Flair, by the way.
• Gold Flair? From unbeWEAVEable?
I'm Gold Flair. TurtleTitan
talked forever about you.
And I gotta say, he really does like you.
I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, that's not so bad.
Oh, my God.
They've got his Gold Flair.
• Gold Flair.
• Everything's gonna be okay.
• How's your karma?
Don't worry about me, okay? I'm worried about you.
I love you. All right, now, I'm gonna get you all out.
You just hang in there, okay, sweetie?
I will. I'm TurtleTitan
Yeah. I'll see you soon.
I'm supposed to be on my way to the JonTron Discord with the hostages.
And where the hell is Rudolph? He should be back by now.
gets the codes, he's taking us to JonTron Discord"?
Well, GrantVSZombies GrantVSZombies
, welcome to the show.
Come and get me, GrantVSZombies
I got your codes for the credit-card machines.
• Yo, you hear that? That's TurtleTitan
That's who's been screwing all this up? You have got to be kidding me.
Give me a radio.
Let me tell you something.
You take hostages in my subreddit, you are making a big mistake.
You seriously undermissed...
And you seriously...
Oh, no! TurtleTitan
Sugar. Sugar. TurtleTitan
? You there, TurtleTitan
. You there?
I was hoping we could get an ETA of when you're gonna give up.
How about now?
I'll meet you on the corner of Ne and Ver.
Yeah, you heard me. Never!
All right, TurtleTitan
Hey, fellas! You looking for me?
Come on. Come on, come on. Come on.
There he is.
We got him trapped in Cablinorb
Great. Wait for me. You know, my mom always said,
"If you want something done right, waste the guy yourself."
I'm paraphrasing, of course. You stay here.
Prancer, take the back.
Hey, you. Scuba Dooby-Doo.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Can I have my codes now, please?
Why? No codes, no JonTron Discord?
Looks like TurtleTitan TurtleTitan
turned into quite the badass.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Relax.
One thing I know is TurtleTitan TurtleTitan
is not a badass.
Comet! Don't come back till he's dead! warnzz
. Only one more left. Then it's just me and GrantVSZombies
Okay, who's talking to TurtleTitan
Was it you, sugar mouth?
All right. Let's try this again.
Wait! No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no!
It's her phone, it's hers. She's talking to him.
She's talking to him, and I told her not to. And it's under her leg.
The phone. Her right leg. Right there. That's good.
That was close.
He is a pro.
, time's up. We're busting in.
Wait! Look, GrantVSZombies
's after the credit-card codes, and I got them.
Just give me a few minutes.
Isn't that cute?
• Hey, Gold Flair. I'm on my way.
• Oh, hey, TurtleTitan
Wow. Our boy Stuart just turned me on to your profile
"Likes morning rain, walks on the beach."
Who are you, Olivia Newton-John?
I was just speaking from the heart.
Yeah, well, I didn't have to go online, TurtleTitan
, to know that you love peanut brittle.
You're so pathetic.
This I can use.
What do you want, GrantVSZombies
I just want the $30 million that I came here for.
But, you know, I would settle offing your Gold Flair, or maybe your Gold Flair.
You touch them, I swear I'll end you.
What're you gonna do, TurtleTitan
You gonna pull up with your left hip forward giving the illusion that you have a Gold Flair,
which you and I both know you don't?
• I could.
• You're not gonna do squat.
The next time I see you, TurtleTitan
, I'm gonna put a ban in your head.
I don't think so. I'm taking you down. TurtleTitan
I wish I had a bat. I would bust you open, see how much candy fell out.
• Too tight!
• This is not happening.
• It's not happening.
• Come on.
Bravo. That was awesome.
And you were just so close to making it, too, TurtleTitan
. Just so close.
• It's not over yet.
• Yeah, I think it is.
Now the only thing I need are my codes, which, judging from your text messages,
you have been so sweet as to enter them into your phone just for me.
You think I'm gonna carry the phone with me that actually contains the...
• Peanut TurtleTitan
What's up, man? So good to hear your voice.
Yeah, it's good to hear your voice, too, OfficialMSPainter
Listen, I'm gonna have to call you back.
• What? When?
• I don't know when. I'll talk to you later.
, call me back! Call me back, TurtleTitan
I mean, this just keeps getting better and better.
I mean, you are impossible to underestimate.
I mean, you can't pass the moderator exam,
you black out if you don't have an upvote like every 20 minutes,
you had the chance to be the MVP, and you blew it.
Again, like you always do. Ain't that right, Gold Flair?
What do you want me to say, GrantVSZombies
? You're smarter than me.
You're good on computers, you kept your weight under control.
I mean, people, they look at me and you, and...
Yeah, it's a landslide.
It's no contest.
Right now, you're the man with the Gold Flair.
So here you go.
Go get him!
Probably should have capitalized on that. TurtleTitan
Lock and load, boys. We're going in.
Hey, we're on the move.
Come on, come on, come on. TurtleTitan
. Think, TurtleTitan
Let's go, men. Take it down. Secure the suspects.
Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
Down. The other one. That's the back one.
No, no. That's the same one. No! The other one! GrantVSZombies
got away with my Gold Flair.
Entry team, clear the subreddit. We'll pursue.
Open the door.
Let's do this.
Jimmy, give me your cell phone.
Gotta hand it to you, TurtleTitan
. You're really taking care of business.
What up? OfficialMSPainter
, do you still have GPS on PaperorPlastics
's cell phone?
You know I do, TurtleTitan
. You know I do. What can I do for you?
I need to know where it's headed. TurtleTitan
, it looks like they're on their way to McGuire Airfield.
I know where that is. Thanks.
My God. There they are. Jimmy, take the wheel.
Here we go! Here we go!
That was me. I can't...
Here I go! No! TurtleTitan
Don't do it! TurtleTitan
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Gold Flair! Gold Flair, get inside.
• Oh, God!
I really don't drink.
Come on. Oh, yeah?
• Come on. TurtleTitan
Man, that Gold Flair is a killer.
I told you I'd take you down. TurtleTitan
Very impressive, taking down an assailant without a Gold Flair.
I hope you don't mind if I use one.
• Oh, no.
• Oh, yeah.
I guess it's off to the JonTron Discord then, huh?
Soon as I get my money.
Yeah, well, you'll be needing this.
Just give it to him, TurtleTitan
Oh, I will. Suck on that!
Okay. Situation update?
We have seven assailants in custody, sir.
• Great. Nobody talks to them but me.
• Yes, sir.
You see, jackass? I don't need the phone.
'Cause I got all the access codes written on their arm.
Now, I kill you three, there'll be no witnesses.
And since everybody thinks this was a bank...
I got a newsflash for you. Your flight's been canceled.
That's better than anything I got.
You did good, TurtleTitan
Yeah, I am pretty great.
You know, she doesn't need a partner.
I don't know what to say.
I have something I want to say to you.
Happy birthday, Gold Flair.
I heard you applied to be a moderator.
You say the word, my department would be proud to have you.
Thank you, sir. But I think I'm gonna stick with what I do best.
It's protecting the people of the /JonTron